Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
