This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
wow bdsm is so cute
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