I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
