We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
