return my video game
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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