I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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