I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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