butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
