but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
