did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
