we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
