you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
