Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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