we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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