Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have demons in me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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