I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
