if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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