When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
