Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
