So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize