Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
