I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
