also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
