Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
