pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
