I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
