no, he came in my armpit
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
