she was so not down for the gang bang
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize