Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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