When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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