Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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