First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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