And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
