Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
