You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
