I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
