you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
