Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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