I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
