Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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