a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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