u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
