dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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