I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize