Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize