is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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