At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
