i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
