We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
