went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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