I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
