i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
