Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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