bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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