I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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