I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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