franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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