Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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