Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
