apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
