Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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