Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
