he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So much Jack, so little girl.
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