Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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