I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i've created a new STD.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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