I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
