guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
