Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm jealous of your bromance
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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