Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think my vagina is haunted
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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