i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
