It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
