standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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