so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
where are my eyebrows?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
