The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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