Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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