I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My dick has a subreddit
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
