Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
